Auto: Pilot, Erotic, - Mated

Hey there. It's me - your friendly law school blogger. I know, it's been awhile. It is a funny thing: Now that I have more free time to blog, blogging has lost some of its appeal. I've been thinking: "do people really care what milestones my kid achieved or what color I painted my kitchen?" Even my closest friends are not interested in the minutiae of my life; they want the edited the version, the horn book, if you will.

Recently, I accused a friend of being an observer in her own life. My friend takes her camera everywhere she goes to capture every single moment of her children's lives. It's worrisome, this unchecked camera wielding but, admittedly, very handy as I have been the recipient of several excellent photographs of my own children. Still, I think it's odd that my friend would rather observe her life than live it.

Blogging feels a bit like that sometimes. Happily, I have broken the habit of Blog Post thinking. I don't compose blog posts in my head while hanging out with friends nor do I seek ways to create a blog post from the ordinary. I don't want to bore you, reader. I want to write interesting posts and not merely recite what has occurred in my life. I don't know if I can or whether this is the right forum for it. Some rebranding may be in order.

I do still Twitter. I spend more time there than here. Twitter is a faster conduit than blogging. People will tweet something before they have a cogent blog post to accompany it. I am an avid tweeter but only because it's easier than blogging. It's like choosing to masturbate instead of having intercourse with your partner. Masturbation is quick and easy. No foreplay required. Intercourse requires more energy, attention to the other persons needs, and it takes a much larger chunk of time.

Eventually, I will be ready to resume intercourse. Look! I have made a first step towards you, reader. It's only a matter of time until I resume posting three or even four (!) times a week. Hopefully, it will be meaningful stuff. Naturally, I will continue twittering as it pleases me but I am talented. I can multitask.

Stuff I'm Doing Instead of Studying for the Bar Exam

• Playing mini-golf with my children
  

• Taking long bike rides

• Discovering new hiking trails
  

• Exploring local museums
  

• Reading interesting books

• Reconnecting with old friends
  

• Sleeping in*

*For me, sleeping in is waking up at 7:30am instead of at 5:30am.

The Bar Exam

These days, the most frequently asked question I get asked is: When is the bar exam? People just assume I am taking it in July. Most of the time I don't correct them because I don't want to spend the next ten minutes explaining why I'm not taking the exam. It's far easier to answer "July" and let them think what they like. But I will tell you: I am not taking the bar exam in July.

I am not taking it for several reasons. First, I don't have a job so there is no pressure for me to be admitted to the bar by a certain time. Second, it's summer. My kids are out of school right now and it would be impossible to study with even one of them home let alone all three. Third, I just don't want to take it right now. I need a mental break from the minutia of the law after which I can return with a refreshed and with a renewed sense of purpose.

Summer is for spending long afternoons at the pool, lounging on the patio, impromptu visits with friends, and sipping sangria while watching the sun set. Summer is not the time to be cooped up inside a classroom learning black letter law and practicing poorly worded multiple-choice questions. Last Saturday, several of my former classmates willingly sacrificed four hours of their lives to take a mock bar exam. I'm sure I can imagine worst ways to spend a Saturday, but taking a mock bar exam would rank pretty high on my list.

Because there are so many factors, the February exam just works better for me. I can dive right into bar prep when the kids go back to school in January. The weather will (most likely) be dreary, I will have fewer distractions, I can dedicate at least six solid hours per day to prepping for the exam, and I will have a better frame of mind. The break will do me good. In the meantime, I'm enjoying summer with my family and friends. I hope you are too!

The Highway

Remember that perfect, wonderful, family friendly job I had? Yes? Well, it's disappeared *poof* into thin air. I am simply another unemployed law school graduate. I've gone through the phases of grief and I accept it. I'm no longer angry, but for awhile there I was mad as hell.

See, my former employer who also happened to be a close friend, could have told me about his micromanaging tendencies. He could have told me I would be required to consult him before completing any tasks - even very minor ones. He could have warned me that my failure to do so - and to question the necessity of doing so - would have drastic consequences. If he had been completely above board with me, then I would have been honest with him: "I cannot work with you." So many problems could have been avoided. Instead, I was misled into believing I could be autonomous and own my projects - something I have always done quite well in the working world.

My friend thinks we mutually decided to end my employment. In reality, I was biding my time. I had planned to learn as much as I could from him over the summer but find a different position come fall. Ask my husband. He will tell you that I complained almost constantly about my friend's micromanagement style, about his inability to delegate, and about his general lack of emotional intelligence in the workplace. I was miserable the whole time and I did not hide it well. I felt pushed and I pushed back. Hard.

The job promised me has been rescinded. I don't care. I didn't want it anyway once I began working with him. The friendship is in shambles, though there is the hollow, farewell promise to "keep in touch." We will probably never speak again.

I replay our last conversation in my mind thinking of things I should have said, things I should have told him that would help him be a better manager but is it of no use. I didn't say them. He wouldn't have listened anyway. That is the micromanaging style. Their way is always the best way. You know the old adage, "It's my way or the highway." Well, I choose the highway.

Morsels

One day I will get around to writing a well thought out blog post - but not today. It's too nice outside and I have too many good books in my library bag to piece together a coherent post. But, I should tell you, there have been some speed bumps in my life. A sampling: I am unemployed and I am not taking the bar exam this summer.

No, I don't feel like a loser. Oddly, I feel liberated - a little cast about - but still firmly in control of my destiny. More information about my future plans will come later. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a beautiful, Colorado day to enjoy, I need to find a recipe for watermelon soup, and I have a sangria to make.